'Smack.'
Oh don't you worry about that sound, it was just me face-
planting the floor on the District Line. This is the London Underground,
probably the best and worst thing about the capital. Rude people - correction -
infuriating people, Barbados conditions and cramped carriages. In fact, I would
go as far as saying that the District Line should be rebranded as a horse and
cart. It goes around 5mph and feels like an apocalyptic earthquake is sweeping
the streets of London. I digress - here is my guide of what to expect when you
step on the joys of our London tubes.
Awkward Eye Contact
Don't make eye contact with any fellow tube commuter for a
duration longer than 2 seconds. No I am not staring at you, nor do I fancy you
and I definitely am not up for staring lovingly into your eyes. I am, in fact, squashed
against a glass window and you happen to be in my direct line of sight. Sorry
to disappoint.
Invasion of Personal
Space
I don't even know your name, we've only known each other 35
seconds and are practically chest to chest. Do expect squashed conditions and
to be body pressing against a random bloke (or woman). Don't get too excited as
it's definitely not as sexy as it sounds - especially when someone has their moist
soggy armpit in your face. I do feel like shouting, 'let's slow down, were
moving too fast' as someone decides that they would quite like to squash up to
me like a magnet.
Frustrated Platform
Commuters
The carriage is literally packed and you are sardined
between two grumpy 7am commuters. The train stops at the next station and an
irritable bloke outside shouts, 'move down the carriage, there is plenty of
space.' What do we do being typically British? Absolutely nothing of course.
.jpg)
Leaners
When I am not working 9-5, my other part-time job is being a
leaning post - said no one. Yet, I am astonished how many underground commuters
mistake me for a shiny, metal inanimate object.
Getting Close and
Personal with the Floor
It's also blatantly not a tube journey unless you face-plant
the floor, while dragging the stranger down at the side of you to save
yourself. Just me? Ok, we'll move on...
Leaners Revisited
I am not sure who I have it in for the most; people who lean
on you or people lean on the entire central pole. The rest of the poor travellers
are left like Bambi on ice with nothing to hold on to. Sometimes, I feel like
slapping them but then remember that it's illegal and I'm also not brave
enough.
Don't Lean on the
Closing Doors
In theory, I can see both sides of this. In commuters
defence, we can't move to even scratch our nose while the driver can do a few
cheeky star jumps in his mini cabin and not be wedged against the doors. On the
flip side, after three attempts of trying to close them, people should really
think about MINDING THE FLIPPING DOORS.
So there you go! Now you know what to expect and while I
really haven't done well in selling the London Underground to you, it's worth
mentioning that it is the most efficient way of getting around the capital.
It's also kind of nice to see that others share your Monday morning misery,
after work couch potato state and weekend antics. Maybe I wouldn't have it any
other way. Maybe.
